Beef Curtains

This is an older post from one of my other blogs, but I decided it was time to be shared again. It's from my time as an editor for several epublishers. These are all true, sadly. NSFW.

As I delve further and deeper into the slick, dark, pulsing orifice that is erotica, I've come across some spectacular word usage. Sentence structure, obscure words (yes, I'm talking about you) and analogies that are enough to make any red-blooded woman cross her legs as tight as she can and pray that she doesn't stick to the chair like an industrial suction cup.


The phrases below do NOT fall into that category.



"Glistening Beef Curtains" So, are you fucking a Pastrami sandwich or a rump roast?


"Musk Fruit" Is that like Muskrat Love? Or did it just leave a special present in your shoe?


"Sweater Meat" Yeah. No.


"Baby-batter" And he sprayed his baby-batter all over my face in a hot jet... No, it doesn't get me, sorry. Call me frigid.


"Fuck juice" Okay, I get that we like to use the word 'fuck'. Hell, I love that word. It's so malleable. It's the sub to my Domme, she's my bitch. But juice? Juicy makes me think of a big, pulsing white-headed...(What did you think I was gonna say? *nudge*) zit. Fuck juice is what you get with Herpes.


"Macaroni sounds" Okay, people. We all know that when you stir macaroni, it sounds like you're diddling in a wet puss. But really. You want me to use it in a sentence? Sigh. "And as I rubbed my cock on her pussy, her macaroni sounds spurred me to make her make more." Obviously, that was not *my* sentence.


"Brown digits" When writing interracial sex as a kink or fetish, I do understand that describing the differences is key. But you can only say "brown digits" so many times before it sounds like you are talking about a stink pickle. What's wrong with saying fingers, or hands, or well-versed pleasure tools? I would not want to be pleasured by a digit unless I was screwing an accountant or the bank made an error in my favor. There are other colors besides brown. People come in other colors. Mocha, Honey, Ebony, Chocolate (you have to kind of watch that one too). You wouldn't describe Caucasian skin as just white, so African-American skin should not be described as just brown. Incidentally, this applies to all skin tones and ethnicities. But this refers to a specific and horrible example.


"Joy bags" Example: With my cock down the hot hole of her throat, I rested my sac on her nose and leaned forward to slap her joy bags back and forth. Scents are sexy. Noses and smells are not. Especially those that come from under a sweaty ball sac. Though, if the mood strikes, what can you do?

 
"You're so creamy." The hero says this pre-coitus. It makes one wonder, why is she creamy? Wet? Maybe. But creamy? Isn't he supposed to make her creamy with his cream or is he getting sloppy seconds and thirds? Or is she a mallow cup? Or is it like pulling apart a grilled cheese? Then you think creamy, the next logical association is peanut butter and that leads to chunky and that's just gross.
 
 
What about you guys? What startling word usage have you come across?

Sunday Interlude--My Cats are Plotting Against Me

I think my cats are plotting against me. I have two cats, Old Man Kitty is 13 and the Shark Kitty is 3. This week I had two odd occurrences.


The first odd happening.

The cats are very good about using the litter box. Once in awhile, you do have to look out for random cat yack (the old man tends to inhale his food and yack it up later...I think he does this to prevent Shark Kitty from getting it all. By regurgitating it, he can eat it at his leisure. I know...it is gross). But I got up one morning to a not very nice surprise. This is the exchange I had with my other half when he got home that evening.


Me: I got up this morning and stepped in a massive dingleberry in the living room.

OH: A turd?!?

Me: Yes. A turd. A large marble of a dingleberry and it squished between my toes. I looked down and thought That is not cat puke. Ewwww. I have cold cat poop between my toes.

OH: You had better have cleaned it up.

Me: You are missing the point, I had cold cat poop between my toes.

OH: [eyes Shark Kitty's furry ass]

Me: I don't know which one is responsible, they were both watching me.

OH: They were mocking you weren't they.

Me: Yes. They were laughing at me because I had poop between my toes.

OH: Please tell me you did not track it everywhere.

Me: You suck, I am traumatized. [At which point I stomp away in a huff]

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

The second incident occurred last night.

When we go to bed, both cats usually follow us and hop in. I fell asleep rather quickly, but awoke about twenty minutes later to a cat lying on my chest. This was not unusual. The cats liked to sleep on my chest and use my boobs as pillows. What was odd was that it was Shark Kitty. She usually only sleeps on my chest if she is under the blankets. Also, her head was not using my breasts as a pillow, but her butt was. Her butt was right in my face. I woke up with the vision of cat ass and, to add insult to injury, she farted in my face.  Please bear in mind that her butt was literally two inches from my nose. Yup. Lovely.

This is why I think my cats are plotting against me. What do you think?

Who Wears the Brand? Part I

Brands. If you follow enough writer advice blogs and Twitter accounts, you will, invariably, encounter some exhortation about the importance of creating a social networking platform and creating a brand. For a writer, they *are* the brand--or are they?

Now, this post is not really about brand management and how one should comporte themselves before customers and would-be customers, but it is an important aspect to my overall argument/question.

I have been pondering shopping habits and how we (not the royal we in this case) purchase books.

When we walk into a bookstore, we tend to be looking for particular authors or to browse certain sections. Customers are rarely looking for a particular publisher, unless, of course, you are talking about a specialty product like role playing books or a serial/series.

Are you following me so far? Do you look at publishers when you are in your friendly local bookstore?

Off of the top of my head, I can think of an exception. I purchase Harlequin books, not because of who wrote them, but due to the publisher and if the back cover blurb grabs my attention.

As epublishers seem to pop up out of the woodwork and more and more publishing opportunities open up, I had to wonder--who wears the brand?

I know that I have found myself preferring certain publishers. When I shop, I visit certain ebook publishing sites and not others.  Even when I am on a ebook aggregator/shopping super store like All Romance Ebooks, I find myself more likely to a give an author a chance if they come from certain epubs. 

Now, this is not to say that I am not paying attention to who is writing what, but I will admit that my attention is not *as* fixated on the author.

So, with this in mind, can authors behaving badly affect a publisher's brand? By not carefully maintaining their brand, can this affect their part of the market share? As publishing starts to fragment into smaller, indie publishers--do you find yourself shopping at certain ones? 

The Pesto that Is Not Really Pesto

I am messing with pestos again. I have two pots of basil growing on my balcony (I bought a wee little boxwood basil, it is quite lovely).

Anyway. I have been experimenting with pestos, but I am out of pine nuts, which is basically what defines/makes a pesto.

Heat the oven to about 225F. Cut 6 roma tomatoes in half and, with a finger, squish out the seeds. I placed the halves face down on a baking sheet that I had sprayed with a non stick spray.

Let the tomatoes cook for about 3 hours, or whenever they start to look like sun dried tomatoes.


Once they are out of the oven, let them cool for a bit and then peel the skins off.


Get out your food processor. Dump in your newly skinned tomatoes and combine/puree with:


1/8 cup to 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil

1/2 cup to 1 cup of grated Parmigiano-Reggiano (Don't use crappy cheese, my evil cheese gnomes will hunt you down if you do...)
1 cup of fresh basil leaves

2 tablespoons of garlic



With the olive oil, only add the 1/8 cup first and reserve the other half. I sometimes need to add more to the mixture to make it "wetter" so that it will blend properly. Once you have blended all of the ingredients together (It should be lightly chunky...sort of like minced garlic size). Taste the mixture and add salt and pepper.


I then dump the mixture over hot pasta and mix together (I typically use angel hair). If you need to "loosen" the mixture a bit, add a little pasta water.

Top with more grated cheese.

As I said, it is a work in progress.

Printable version of the recipe.

The Category Conundrum by Brian Fatah Steele

This morning we have a guest blogger to welcome to the Carnivale. He is Brian Fatah Steele, author of the the most excellent and gripping IN BLEED COUNTRY. Years and years ago, it was my pleasure to work with him on Horror Authors United and Cult of the Bloody Quill.





THE CATEGORY CONUNDRUM


Why Modern Literary Fiction Needs Sub-Genres
By Brian Fatah Steele


As we begin our climb into the 21st century, many evolutions in culture, technology and social structures are being rigorously cataloged. Some things have advanced greatly in the past few centuries, while other concepts have been reluctant. Perhaps one of the strangest opponents to change has been the literary community.

Books are the oldest form of mass produced media. The Gutenberg Printing Press was developed in the middle of the 1400’s and it was a long time before we were able to mass-produce sounds or images of any kind (discounting small print images later in the books.) Yet, literature has been slow to adapt and adopt new genres, new methods of categorization. One only has to look to film, or even more-so modern music, to see how those forms of media have accommodated to the times. Post-Rock, Electro-Folk and Neo-Dirt, indeed!

Sometimes, however, it’s a matter of efficiency. While a website can list hundreds of keywords, a “brick & mortar” bookstore can only deal with so many. My local library shelves Horror with General Fiction. Science Fiction can often be found stocked with Fantasy. And while one could argue that both Asimov and Tolkien both wrote “speculative fiction,” that’s about where the similarities end. Of course, certain elitists would say “genre fiction” shouldn’t be a concern. Genre Fiction? All films, visual art and music are classified by a genre; what types of fiction aren’t?

I pride myself on writing “low-brow, escapist fiction.” I simply write the books I would want to read. Now, that said, what do I write? What narrow, limiting genre do I have to pick from to describe my work? Perhaps we should examine the genres I so often orbit dangerously close to…

So much of what is described Horror Fiction needs to have a sub-classification. While Clive Barker is penning visceral and esoteric terrors, Stephen King is off churning out another blue collared bit of soft “Americana Horror.” While I’m a fan of all of them, can we really lump Edward Lee’s depravity along with F. Paul Wilson’s quiet dread and next to Jeff Long’s scientific abominations? Regardless, one of the main elements of Horror Fiction deals with the average facing the impossible, the every-man confronting the walking nightmare. When those lines begin to bleed, we stray into the current realms of Urban Fantasy.

A good deal of the current Urban Fantasy coming out today owes a great deal to the Horror Fiction of yesterday. Here, those characters that rely on plot devices that would have once cast them as villains now play the role of the hero, the protagonist opposing and even more threatening antagonist. Our hero is “in” on the secret, the horror, the magic. Unfortunately, we can find just as wide a selection of material here as well. First of all, by definition alone, one could argue that both Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight,” and Brian Lumley’s “Necroscope” are Urban Fantasy. Well, if you have even a passing familiarity with either of them, then you know that the only two things those books have in common is that the word “vampire” is printed on the pages! So much contemporary UF borrows heavily from Horror elements, and yet a bulk of it leans into Paranormal Romance or even Horrotica. Once again, where does the invisible line get drawn?

This isn’t as much a dilemma for the authors as it may be for the readers. Many authors write works that blur genre categories, or even jump around genres with different books. That’s fine, but when a reader has enjoyed a particular novel and wishes to find more like-material, it can grow frustrating. Various online marketplaces offer myriad ways to search, but shouldn’t the authors and publishers step in at some point? Whose responsibility is it to see that readers find books they will enjoy?

Sometimes it’s not so much even the genres as the genre elements. These are themes that you can find in an assortment of books, often crossing over genres. For instance, take the popular “Post-Apocalyptic” genre element. Here we can find David Brin’s “The Postman,” Stephen King’s “The Stand,” and Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road.” All three titles are as different as “Timeline” by Michael Crichton, “The Time Traveler’s Wife,” by Audrey Niffenegger, and “Time After Time” Karl Alexander.

I’ve come to realize that I often write “Post-Mythic” fiction. The term POST is often used in various artistic classifications, from Post-Impressionist Paintings to Post-Hardcore Music. It would translate as, that which came after. Now, MYTHIC would refer to “Mythology, Cultural Legends and/or Religious Lore.” So, while the concept of a “deity” is a global phenomenon (and therefore not subject to Post-Mythic classification), any particular deity that was once worshipped in some part of the Earth would be. The same would go for any specific creature or entity that has a distinct location or cultural link. This would, for instance, include things such as The Loch Ness Monster, Leprechauns, The Jersey Devil and El Chupacabra. It would not include Vampires or Werewolves since variations on those legends can be found in every single culture on the planet dating back hundreds of years. Together, Post-Mythic, simply means after the myth, legend or lore. These are the untold stories, many of which might take place in a modern setting.

Easily the most famous of those integrating a Post-Mythic genre element into their work is Neil Gaiman. Breaking through with his brilliant, award-winning DC/Vertigo Comic “The Sandman,” he has continued with such work as “Neverwhere” and “The Graveyard Book,” while his novel, “American Gods,” is one of the most beloved books of the last decade. Other Post-Mythic UF would be “Ysabel” by Guy Gavriel Kay and “Dark Rain” by Tony Richards. The first deals with the battle between an immortal Druid and a Roman Centurion in modern day over the love of an ancient Pagan Goddess, while the other focuses on the secret descendents of those who escaped the Salem Witch Trials in a magically cursed town.

Sliding over to Sci-Fi, the brilliant Roger Zelazny wrote “Lord Of Light,” while Dan Simmons had the Greek Pantheon traveling the galaxy on starships in “Ilium.” Going darker, the same Pantheon terrorized a young couple in Bentley Little’s “Dominion,” while a wicked satyr torments a small town in “Dark Hollow” by Brian Keene. If horror isn’t your thing, try Maria Aragon’s “Deus Ex Machina: A Divine Comedy,” where a disgruntled group of deities try to help out their loser neighbor. Even the great Douglas Adams got in on it with a misadventure of Odin’s in “The Long Dark Tea-Time Of The Soul.” The YA market is filled to the brim with Post-Mythic tales, including K.A. Applegate’s “Search For Senna: Everworld, Book 1,” which boosts an assortment of deities and the now hugely popular “The Lightning Thief: Percy Jackson & The Olympians, Book 1.”

We authors need to step forward and become more involved with our work and how it’s being both distributed and displayed. If not for ourselves and our art, then definitely for the readers. One of the best things in life is the discovery of a new piece of beloved art; whether it be a new musical artist or a writer you were previously unfamiliar with. I’m still thrilled when I come across a band or author I had never heard before and find I’m immediately enveloped by their work. We need to be networking in a manner that not only gives mutual support to ourselves, but maximum support to our fans. With respect to what came before, the years of tradition, we need to evolve and do better.

Seriously… or I’ll send Loki and Eshu after you.



If you want to send them after Brian, you can find him here:

Facebook

Twitter

Goodreads

Buy Brian Here

Interview with author Courtney Sheets

Today we have the lovely Courtney Sheets sitting down with us for an interview.  We hope you enjoy it. 

*****

Tell us about yourself. What do you write? What is your background...all that sort of stuff.

Easy stuff first. I write Historical Romance and Hawaiian Paranormal mainly.  I grew up in Vegas. No I don't live in a casino. No I don't work in a casino. No I am not a hooker or stripper or dealer. And yes, I have been an extra in a couple of episodes of CSI. 

I am an actor, director, and playwrite. I love the outdoors, my hometown, and annoying tourists.

What have you written? What is your first sale. Can you tell us about your first sale?

I have one novel published right now called

Do you have a writing ritual?

It isn't a ritual per se but I love to write outside. I find that fresh air and sunshine really help me write freer. I do make sure that I have any research books that I might need near by. And a huge glass of water.

When I am stuck on a passage I have a tendency to get up and act out what I am writing. I think that might be the actor/director in me.

Do you have a soundtrack?

Yes, but it all depends on what I am writing at the moment. When I work on the Hawaiian Paranormals I listen to artists like Israel

Kamakawiwo'ole and Keali'i Reichel and I love listening to Kapa FM on the computer or my Iphone app. Kapa is one of the Big Island's radio stations. It helps me to feel like I am back in Kona.

For Robin Hood and my other medieval historicals, I listen to a lot of Clannad, Blackmoore's Night, Enya, and Sarah Brightman, as well as soundtracks from various RH movies and Gladiator.

For the Civil War book I am working on it is soundtracks from Gods and Generals, Glory, and Gettysburg to name a few.

For the Bollywood WIP, I listen to Bollywood soundtracks and Bhangra music. I try to tailor the music to what I am working on at the time. My Ipod is my best friend and constant companion when I am writing.

Why Robin Hood? Your Textnovel entry was a retelling of that legend.

Why not? *wink* My first encounter with Robin Hood was Disney's swashbuckling Fox when I was about 6. From that moment on I was hooked on the Hood. I was a little bit of a tomboy When I was a kid, ok I was a lot of a tomboy. When we played make believe I always wanted to be Robin Hood, or Wonder Woman but that's another story. I remember my cousins telling me that I couldn't because I was a girl. That didn't seem fair to me. Why couldn't Robin be a girl? I think that was when I got the idea for The Hooded Man. It just took several years for me to sit down and put that vague idea from a summer long ago to paper. 

There is something about the legend that has always intrigued me. I have written papers in High school and College about the origins of Robin Hood. I collect Robin Hood memorabilia. I'm obsessed. And I like it.

Saranna wants to know more about Guy. When can he stop in for an interview? *wink*

Ah yes, Sir Guy. He is the ultimate bad boy. Beautiful and brutal, that's Guy. I love Richard Armitage's portrayal of Guy on the new BBC Robin Hood but he never felt quite evil enough to me. He always had the redeeming quality that he truly loved Marian. Even when he kills her in the end of the second season, Armitage had this beautiful look of disbelief on his face about what he had just done. Good lurked just beneath the surface of Armitage's Guy. Plus no matter how hard Armitage tries, I am not sure he can play fully evil.

I wanted my Guy of Gisbourne to be bad to the bone. My Guy is the kind of person who would run you through and not think twice about it. I wanted my readers to feel the same as Marian. That while Guy was seductive and gorgeous and sends your female parts into overdrive, you hate him and yourself for wanting him so much. He is a mix of Richard Armitage and Michael Wincott.

Guy would love to stop for an interview anytime. If there is one thing Guy loves to do is talk about himself.

What song makes you stop and sing?

Everything. No, really. I am a singer and actor as well as a writer, so I am always rocking out to some song or another. Especially showtunes. I will crank up the showtunes in my car on the way to work and belt my heart out. And Lady Gaga...she makes me sing and chair dance.

What misconceptions about being an author really irks you?

I get really irked by the misconceptions about Romance writers especially. Just because it has a half naked man titty cover on it doesn't mean it was easy to write or poorly written. I hate the looks and laughter that sometimes comes when I tell people I write romance. Also I can't stand the belief that some people have that it is easy to be published and to write.

Saranna and Dhympna suffer from The Ennui at times. How do you combat this evil foe who prevents productivity?

I talk to my best friend. He is really good at talking me down. He is an amazingly talented actor so he is used to rejection and such. That helps him to understand and be able to pick me up when I am down. Conversely I do the same for him when he gets The Ennui.


What authors have greatly influenced you?

I love Vicki Lewis Thompson and Heather Graham. I'm sure they have influenced my work over the years.

What was the first adult book that you remember reading? Did you steal naughty books from your mum?

I don't really remember the title, but it had a blue cover. My mom used to leave her romance novels on the back of the toilet when I was growing up. Of course I would go in the bathroom and pick them up and read. I was probably 11 or 12. I was hooked.

The first romance novel I bought was called Bandit's Kiss. It was by Mary Lou Rich. I was 16 years old. My mom said I was finally old enough to read romance, but I am sure she knew I was reading the ones she left on the back of the toilet. Nothing gets passed my mom. *grin*

Give us your top ten list of books. If you could only have ten books for the rest of your life, what would they be? (And, yes, I realize this is an evil bitch question *evil grin*)

This is the hardest question here.

1. Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens. I have read it a million times and can read it a million more. 

2. Dracula - Bram Stoker. Just love the book

3. Tales of a Female Nomad - Rita Golden Gelman. A very inspirational book to me. 

4. Casual Hex - Vicki Lewis Thompson. I need laughs and light fun if I am stuck with these ten books for the rest of my life

5. A Passage to India - E.M. Forester. I love the subtle textures of the book.

6. On Writing - Stephen King. It has helped me more with my writing then any other book. 

7. Lady of the Forest - Jennifer Roberson. I need some Hood lore to give me a fix. 

8. My Dearest Friend; Letters of Abigail and John Adams. An amazingly romantic collection of letters between our second president and his wife. They cover 1762-1818 and give you an  intimate glimpse into their courtship and marriage.

9. Assassination Vacation - Sarah Vowell. Vowell cracks me up with her writing, this book especially.
10. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell. I heart Rhett Butler.

Do you have pets? Are they plotting your/our demise? 

I do have a puppy. His name is Koa which means warrior in Hawaiian. He is 12 pounds so you can understand the irony of his name. He thinks he is a pitbull.

He is not plotting my demise, but the demise of the laptop. The evil Toshiba machine takes mommy's attention away from valuable belly rubbing and puppy chasing time and it must die. 

Criticism sucks. How would you deal with say, someone like Dhympna (because we all know she is evil) not liking your book? What advice do you have for people dealing with criticism?

I would love to say that criticism doesn't bother me, but I would be lying like a cheap toupee. I do however think I might be better equipped them some to accept it and deal. I have been acting since I was 12 so that is 20 years of bad reviews and rejections, along with good stuff, that have helped to toughen my hide. It still stings but I have learned to vent only to people I love and trust, like my mother or my best friend. My advice to others is basically put on your big girl panties and deal. Everyone is not going to love your work. Some will love it others will loathe it. You may not agree, but never attack the person. It makes you look bad. Find someone unconnected to the matter to vent too and then move on. And if that doesn't work step away from the review in question, have a little tequila, and let it go. 

  

Does it change your opinion of an author to see them deal poorly with critics? If so, does that change your buying habits?

It does actually. Lately I have seen writers lambaste critics for not liking their books. It is like authors behaving badly. Most certainly it changes my buying habits. If a writer is a total monster to reviewers it makes me want to have nothing to do with them. It can also hurt other authors associated with the same publisher. There are a couple of really popular review sites out there I would love to have review Kona Warrior for the publicity alone, but I can't because of a few Ravenous authors who have attacked them. Now those sites won't read anything published by RR.

This kind of thing happened recently durning the contest Saranna and I were in together and frankly if the author who acted that way ever gets published, I'm not spending a dime on her work. When writers attack, sounds like a Fox Special, it makes them look like children.  I don't care how good you book might be, if you pitch a fit, don't count on my money or support.

What are your top five movies. 

Moonstruck - I love early Nic Cage...before he went crazy

North and South Mini Series with Richard Armitage - I'm a sucker for period pieces...and Richard Armitage.

Adventures of Robin Hood - Erroyl Flynn in tights, enough said

To Wong Foo, Thanks for everything Julie Newmar - Makes me laugh so hard, and I love Patrick Swayze's outfits. I've been known to quote this movie from time to time.

Tombstone - Sam Elliot, Kurt Russell, Bill Paxton, and Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer is all pasty white and sickly as Doc Holliday but you don't give a damn because he is super hot. Plus the scene when the men walk with the sun behind them to the O.K Corral is visually scrumptious. 

How can you be bribed?

Steve Madden stilettos. {Dhympna:  OMG ME TOO!!!}

Tell us an embarrassing story.

I am a huge klutz and always have been so I try not to get embarrassed by my own dumbass-y-ness. Ok let's see, this one is a good one. I was about 15 or 16 and hanging out with my cousins at the campground one summer. I went to sit on the teeter tooters, seesaw to those of you back-easters, and thought it would be cool to sit in the middle. It wasn't. The entire seesaw tipped over, dumping me to the ground and rolling me into the muck and leaves under the darn thing. I was covered in dirt and bruises and my cousins, who are all boys by the way, stood there laughing their faces off. Then they took off and ran back to tell my family what had happened.

This story still haunts me to this day. 

Dhympna is a chow hound....got any recipes you would like to share?

I love my crockpot. I am usually very short on time, with work and writing and theater and volunteer work, so the slow cooker is my best friend.

This is my Corned Beef recipe. I'm part Irish, it's what we eat. I don't like the smell or the taste of cabbage so I leave it out. 

• 1 pound kosher salt
• 8 pounds beef brisket
• 6 bay leaves
• 2 tablespoons brown sugar
• 8 black peppercorns
• 1 onion, chopped
• 8 potatoes - peeled and cubed

        2 forty ounces of dark ale, like Guiness or Newcastle

        Rub the brisket with the pepper, brown sugar, and salt. Place in slow cooker. Add the potatoes, onion, and bay leaves. Pour the beer over the meat until completely covered. Depending on the size of your crock pot you might not need the entire two bottles of beer. Set the cooker to slow and walk away. In about 6 hours your house will smell wonderful and you will have corned beef. 

Printer friendly version of recipe.

Speaking of food, Saranna wants to know what is the most interesting use for a pineapple? 

Put it on a pizza or use it in a salsa...or a really hot surfer. ;)

What about Hawaiian mythology appeals to you?

The richness and diversity of it. Hawaiian mythology is so dense and in many cases differs from island to island. The basic legends, for example how Pele came to the islands, are similar but the details change.  Martha Beckwith's book, Hawaiian Mythology, is one of the first chronicles of the different legends. Hawaiian history and myth was initially an oral tradition. When the missionaries came, they tried to eradicate the legends when they converted the islanders to Christianity. Thanks to people like Beckwith and King David Kalakua the traditions survived.

You're a playwrite as well. How do the challenges of producing and selling your work differ between a play and a novel? Are there any similarities?

Playwriting and screenwriting are completely different animals from novel writing in many aspects. A play is almost purely dialog, where a novel gives you the freedom to be descriptive. In film and theatrical writing, you have to show rather then tell. Take The Hooded Man for example. I have the option to describe the room in which Marian is standing in great detail, giving the reader a mental picture of what Marian is seeing. In a play, that information is left up to the director and set designer.

Another major difference is reading the works aloud. Reading a novel in progress aloud helps the writer to find errors in grammar, syntax, and so forth. Reading a play aloud, gives the playwright a feel of how the finished product will sound. It helps the writer to see if lines are really funny, outside of the writer's head, and if they are easy for the actors to say.

Selling plays and film scripts is just as hard as novels, maybe even more so. You run through many of the same routines, pitch letters and such, but the submission process is different. For one thing, in playwriting and screen writing you must register the completed work with the Writer's Guild of America before submitting it anywhere.

Want more Courtney? Check her out on:

Twitter

Blog

Corpse Treatment and Pizza from the Crypt

 I have a fascination with how dead bodies are treated within various cultural and social structures--you have been warned. ;)

Rare images of the Tibetan sky burial (not for the sensitive, by the way) are now available. It is the beautiful and economic practice of offering up corpses to the scavengers of Tibet. This is done because there is not enough fuel readily available for cremation and burial is out of the question due to rocky terrain and permafrost.

If you would like to see the photos (warning: they are graphic) they are included as "Further Reading" on the Wikipedia page referenced above.

Today, I was up at the asscrack of morning. I am not typically very....um....friendly/awake/friendly....at that hour. On the way to the gym we were listening to radio and the Bob and Tom Show was on.  They were talking about a recent report from Italy claiming that some pizzerias in Naples may be using coffin wood to fuel their pizza ovens.

Apparently, some enterprising grave robbers have been raiding cemeteries and selling the wood to the restaurants at rock bottom prices.I am not terribly familiar with how embalming chemicals (or what Italian procedures for embalming are) react with the body and what may seep into the wood. Or if bodily fluids and effluvia seep into the wood.

So many bad, and inappropriate, jokes so little time.

My first reaction is--ew? but is it really ew? It is just wood being re-purposed after all. I do wonder about chemicals that may be present in the wood that may react with the food once burned.

The story does have some odd connection to movies that feature cannibalism. In this case that secret flavour is people, even if people are not being eaten directly.

The Relationship Between Review Bloggers and Readers

I make no secret that I read many different types of books from many different genres. I firmly believe that anyone should be able to read whatever they want. Period. End of discussion. I also believe that people should be able to enter into civilized discourse with one another to debate various issues.

I often write blog posts, like the one yesterday, when I am chewing on a subject. We *all* have knee jerk reactions. We *all* react to things in various ways for our own reasons. If we all agreed with each other then it would be a very boring, sycophantic dystopia.

Kids will read erotica and other stuff that may make some adults uncomfortable. So what? This is how we all grow. I frankly do not care what people read. That is not, nor has it ever been, my concern.

If you want to know what really bothers me regarding books, I am more concerned with libraries suffering from slashed budgets, people restricting access to certain books, and library closures.

I just needed to get that out of the way. There seems to have been some confusion about my last post. ;)

The issue that has really been niggling at me is one of the trust between a blogger and his or her audience. Yes, it took all of that debating for me to get to the issue that was bugging me.

When you visit certain blogs do you have certain expectations? And what are those expectations? What would violate your trust of a blogger/site?

Is finding out that a blogger is a minor on a site that caters to adults (I mean age wise) a violation of that trust? To clarify--would you expect that you are engaging in a discussion with other adults?

This brings to mind the Seinfeld episode "The Comeback." Elaine discovers that the video store employee whom she has grown fond of via his recommendations and phone calls is really an underage boy.



And now, I am off to contemplate St. Patrick and thanks to AnneMarie for sending me this:

Blogging Conundrum--Is a minor writing for an adult blog OK?

Today I ran across something that got me thinking--what lines are there in who should contribute to certain book review sites.

I have my knee jerk reaction, but do not want to taint your opinion with how I feel about the following scenarios so I will tell you my opinion at the end.

Blogging and reviewing is great because anyone and everyone can do it, but some lines are awfully gray.

Scenario one:

Well known review blog X caters to a primarily adult female book lover audience. Quite often sexually explicit material is discussed by the contributors of the blog. Blog X has hired a new contributor, after a few reviews by this new contributor, word gets out that the reviewer is a minor and male.




Let us muddy up the scenario. You also find out that the minor has been allowed to post a review of an adult themed book that contains explicit sex with the blog owner's consent.





Here are the issues I am dealing with--the audience and publishers engage with blog X with the expectation that it is adults serving adults. Now, the reviewer probably used the blog's name to procure the book through an ARC dispersal site. You can choose multiple answers for this one.




Scenario two:

Now. New scenario.

You discover that a minor female is writing reviews for a site that caters to adult men. Granted, the female's reviews do not cover adult material, but some of the male contributor's reviews do discuss very sexually explicit material. There is interaction, however, between the minor female and the males and sometimes that interaction does include adult themes.





see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Here is my take: Once you accept advertising money and books from publishers who specialize in adult content--your monetary supporters, as well as your readers, have certain expectations. If you want a blogger to do reviews on other literature, then find an adult, not a minor. It is not appropriate for a minor to blog, with the owner's consent, on a site that often deals with adult themes. It is even more wholly inappropriate to post a review, by said minor, that deals with adults themes.

Now, it would be easy to blame the publishing companies or the ARC distributors for giving a minor a book with adult themes, BUT they probably had the expectation that a reviewer from Blog X was an adult. In my mind the owner of the blog is completely at fault.

What say you?

Lamb Burgers Part One

I am determined to create the perfect lamb burger and I have decided to chronicle that quest here.  Yup. Lucky you. ;)

After reading through many burger and gyro recipes, I tossed them and decided to experiment. I mean, I have eaten enough lamb and know what tastes good--one would hope.

A word on meat. If you cannot find the ground meat you want, I just use a food processor. Fifteen or so pulses on high should give you burger consistency meat. You want it to have some consistency and not be pureed meat.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures


Here are the ingredients:

-One pound of ground lamb

-half pound of ground pork

-half of an onion (medium) grated

-a ton of garlic, a tbsn minced

-a teaspoon of finely chopped fresh mint

-a half a teaspoon dried oregano (whole teaspoon if fresh...I forgot to buy oregano at the nursery...I had a sad)

-a pinch of ground cinnamon (maybe a quarter or 1/8 of a teaspoon)

-one egg

-salt

Get your hands in there and combine the ingredients. It may be a sticky mixture. Combine and let sit in the fridge for an hour or so.

Make patties. The above makes about 4 nice sized patties.


To cook the burgers on the grill you may need to take extra care. I cook them on a piece of tinfoil (so they do not fall apart through the rack) until they set up and then place them directly on the grill over the charcoal.

Assembly:

I use whole wheat buns. I slather each side with tzatziki (it is important that it is thick tzatziki) I then layer on one side, thinnish slices of feta cheese, PITTED Kalamata olives that have been sliced, and romaine lettuce. Top with your burger and voila! Lamb Burger!

Printer friendly version of recipe.

If you need to make the "Get Out of my Personal Space Tzatziki", here is the recipe:

-one half of an English cucumber grated and salted. Let the cucumber sit for 30 minutes and then dump out the water and dump the cucumber into a tea towel to eliminate the rest of the moisture

-1 1/2 cups to 2 cups Greek Yogurt (if you cannot find it, you will need to strain regular yogurt over a bowl in cheesecloth for four hours to eliminate extra water)

- 2 tablespoons of minced garlic

-1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

salt to taste.

Let the tzatziki sit for at least an hour before serving so the flavours can all get acquainted.


Printer friendly version

I have some ideas for lamb burgers part deux, but does anyone else have any suggestions?

Thoughts on Five Star Book Rating Systems

Those of you who follow this blog know that rating books can sometimes get you unwanted attention. Those of you who follow me on Twitter also know that I have been recently thoroughly disgusted by yet another author who thinks it is OK to bully readers who give them "undesirable" ratings.

I do not wish to re-hash this incident. What I do want to discuss, however, is what a five star ranking means to me and I hope y'all will comment and tell me what it means to you, because I am curious.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

I get that writing is sort of like giving birth to an ephemeral child, but keep in mind that your fantasy child is also brought to life in the reader's mind. Both writer and reader are very invested in bringing a book to life. The experience of reading and the reader's imagination makes the activity very, very personal. This is not to take away the hard work that goes into putting together a story, but I do think that the personal and SUBJECTIVE nature of fiction is sometimes lost when feelings get hurt because someone thought your baby was ugly.

The personal and intimate relationship between book and reader is further muddied because a book is, ultimately, a product. A product that basically sells a fantasy conjured up by someone else. How I rate books depends on how well that fantasy resonates with me.

What ratings mean in my twisted mind:

Five Stars-- Oh My God. I am upset the book ended and I will probably snuggle with it for awhile. And pet it. I will probably re-read this book--sometimes immediately after finishing it. If this book gets lost, stolen, or falls apart, then I will likely replace it. I will gush about this book to no end and I will attempt to make all of my friends and family members read it. This author/series is probably on an autobuy/autoread list for me.

Four Stars--The book was awesome. I really enjoyed it. I may re-read it. It is simply a great book, but not mind blowing. The author/series is probably on an autobuy/autoread list for me.

Three Stars--The book was solid. It was good, but not great. While I enjoyed the story/writing/characters there were some issues.

Two stars--The book was OK. I did enjoy it, but it was nothing special to me or there were issues I could not overlook. I may check out an author's backlist or other pen names and see if there is anything else I may like better. Two star books for me usually have some majour flaws but not enough to make me not enjoy the story to some extent.

One Star--The book was a DNF or I simply just did not like it even after I made myself finish it. I will probably not be purchasing any books by this author again.

I often make myself read books that I buy. I am cheap. I also tend to suffer from book acquisition syndrome and will sometimes buy multiple books by the same author if there is a sale. I may give one book one star but discover another I bought is great and give it a higher rating. And yes, to me, two stars is a good rating.

What are your thoughts?

Random History Bites: James of Cyrrhestica

Theodoret of Cyrrhus recorded the lives of Syrian holy men and women of the 4th and 5th centuries in his work A History of the Monks of Syria. In this collective biography he recounts the life of James of Cyrrhestica.

What typified monks and holy personages of Syria was the performative nature of their devotions. Men lived on pillars, in boxes, secluded in cells, or in tombs (and any other uncomfortable place) The limits of the body were tested in an effort to scourge the soul of the contaminations of an earthly, mundane, base existence.  I mean, come on! Nocturnal emissions were the very exemplar of how base the body's instincts were.

James lived in the open air. For all to see and for all to gawk at.

Living in the open, without shelter can be a little tricky--especially if you come down with any gastrointestinal problems...like raging, explosive diarrhea...like James did while Theodoret was visiting him. I am not sure how explosive his bowel problems were, but given Theo's description (Theo is my pet name for him...forgive me ;) ) of the "event" it seems pretty dire especially since it was recorded for posterity. Theodoret watched as the monk attempted to deal with his humiliating problem with everyone watching.

The poor monk was often afflicted with various ailments and Theo, at one point had to convince him that it was okay to escape the harsh desert sun by seeking shelter--he did so by telling the holy man that he would be doing him a favour. He also convinced him to lie down with him and rest. While lying down and rubbing the ailing man to soothe him, Theo notices that the holy man has tied weights to himself to add to his ascetic rigours and self-mortifying prowess. Such weights would prevent the holy man from ever finding comfort while resting--all in the name of self-mortification.

During another illness, troops came in and scared off the local gawkers (who were probably wanting a body part or two as a souvenir, the relic trade was probably already booming) and carried the unconscious man to the nearest city. Upon waking he was none to pleased to discover that he was no longer at his mountain location and demanded that he be returned.

Communities tended to treat such holy men with a level of fandom that is quite similar to some teen heart throbs today. Can you imagine how a teen girl would react if she could get a lock of hair of whoever the latest heart throb is?

       This is not James, but Simeon on his pillar sans pussy foot. heh.

What has always struck me about Theo is that, while attempting such heroic feats of pushing the body to various extremes--they are still human. They are still subject illness (although the puss from Simeon Stylites' infected foot did turn to flowers for the devotees who were attempting to collect it as a relic.

Recipe--Chicken Marsala

There was supposed to be a picture, but yet again...I ate it before I thought to get the camera out.

Here is my recipe for chicken marsala. I should note that the quantities are approximate, I tend to fly by the seat of my pants with stuff like this.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures


You will need:

4 chicken breast halves (sometimes you get the whole breast and sometimes they are sold in halves)

1/2 cup of flour or potato flour

salt

pepper

a pack of mushrooms (white or baby bella) sliced or quartered

one onion finely diced

about four tablespoons of butter

about four tablespoons olive oil

a healthy pinch (half teaspoon?) of sage,thyme, or oregano, you can also use a tablespoon of parsley or a mix. If you are using fresh, up the quantity by double.

three cloves of garlic, finely chopped

1/2 cup to 3/4 cup Marsala wine

1 cup to 2 cups of chicken stock

1/2 cup to 1 cup heavy cream

juice of half a lemon

You will need two frying pans (one medium and one large).

First, put one tablespoon of butter and one tablespoon of olive oil in a medium pan. Over medium heat cook the onions, when they are translucent, add the mushrooms. DO NOT ADD SALT YET! Once the mushrooms have let go of the water they contain go ahead and add a pinch of salt, the garlic and whatever herbs you have decided to use. After the mushrooms are a lovely caramel colour, take them off the heat and set aside.

Combine the flour with salt and pepper and dump it into a pie pan. Put a chicken breast in a plastic bag (I use heavy duty one gallon bags) and pound it flat to about 1/4 inch (do not use tenderizer side)--do this for all four breasts. Now dredge each breast in the flour mixture.

Melt the rest of your butter and 2 tablespoons of olive oil (the extra is just in case you need more) in the large pan over medium high heat (if the oil gets too hot reduce down to medium). Add the chicken breasts and cook until golden brown on each side.

Remove the chicken from the pan. Deglaze the pan with the marsala wine, be sure to scrub off all the crunchy bits (I use a whisk) and reduce by half.  Then add chicken stock and cream. Add the mushroom mixture. Salt and pepper to taste.  Once the sauce is at the thickness you want, add lemon juice and chicken.

Serve over pasta, a salad, or mashed potatoes. I often serve this with a side of french green beans.

Test Post....

If you have been visiting us long enough, you may have noticed I change our template pretty often. I view it as like changing a dress or my hair colour.

So, please bear with us while we undergo some changes as this may take a week or so.

Also, if you could, pretty please, leave us comments with your thoughts about this template and this will also enable me to work out any comment bugs with this particular template.

Thanks!



see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Interview with Rachel From Bitten By Books

Hi, Rachel. Thanks for joining us today at Culinary Carnivale. First of all, can you tell us a little about Bitten By Books and what you do there?




RS: Thank you so much for having me here today. I promise not to take more blood than necessary while I am, here. And I wore 70 Block sunscreen so I should be able to stick around till dusk! At first I was afraid you were going to want me to cook or ask me advice on cooking. Since I drink all my meals, that wouldn't have been a good match...unless you like a good Bloody Mary or an AB+ smoothy! But, I see you are about books here, so I feel right at home. :)


What inspired you to start Bitten By Books?


RS: I really wanted a site where I could catalog all of my paranormal fiction authors and their series in one place, blog about them and share my thoughts with others of like mind, and discover new authors. To create one great big community of paranormal fiction lovers, authors and publishers to come and swim together in our literary bliss. ;) It really started out as a hobby, yet literally within days it exploded into something of epic proportions. Two years, 50 reviewers and 3,300 posts later here we are. Man what a ride!



Of course, the usual question, who are your favorite authors?


RS: Ohhhh! I love Elizabeth Peters, Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Thomas E. Sniegoski, Jim Butcher, Jes Battis, Kim Harrison, Mark Henry, Dakota Cassidy, Yasmine Galenorn, Kimberly Raye, Kat Richardson, Richelle Mead, MaryJanice Davidson, Gerry Bartlett, Charlaine Harris, Patricia Briggs.... shall I go on? LOL I really DIG (get it! dig ha haha) Urban Fantasy, but I do occasionally like a lighthearted funny paranormal romance read as well.



Has having more access to authors via the internet changed the way you see the industry or the authors themselves?


RS: Absolutely. You get to see a more personal side of authors when it comes to release dates and the pressure they are under and how they still hold it all together with class and professional savvy while meeting all of their commitments. It is pretty amazing. Each one has their own way of dealing with stressful situations, and everybody who has come to our site has been a class act 100%. We have had the busiest authors in the world come and spend the day with us. I get a giggle when some people say they can't come because they are too busy to visit Bitten by Books. If Laurell K. Hamilton, Jim Butcher and Charlaine Harris can carve out time in their schedules. I am pretty sure just about anybody can find time to be with our readers.


Do you have pets? (pictures) Do they plot world domination?


RS: Oh we DO! We have 5 dachshund-chihuahuas. What? You didn't get the memo this morning? Domination of all worlds is complete. :)

This is Brownie

this is Brownie's sister Crybaby Cripsie

This is their baby brother Mr. Piddle

This is Mochie everybody's dad and a full blooded dapple blue miniature dachshund

This is Chai, Mochie's wife and my very first dog. The spoiled princess. LOL

Actors and actresses speak out to support causes they believe in all the time, but lately many authors have been advised to keep their public images politics free. Why is it different for us?



RS: Well, authors are in the business of writing books, not being politicians. Seems pretty clear to me. Personally I don't care what their political views are. I just want to read their work and escape OUT of the world of politics and into the divine haven they create for us. Politics and Facebook are the two biggest time sucks known to mankind, and I'm sure both are counterproductive to finishing a manuscript.



Does your life have a soundrack? If so, what would it be?


RS: Well the first thing that popped into my head was Highway to Hell, and certainly there are moments like that. Given all the tornados and flooding here in Western KY over the weekend, the playlist might also include Who'll Stop the Rain, Twist and Shout, Ain't No Sunshine, Here Comes the Rain Again, and of course... Kentucky Rain.



Is there a book that's changed you?



RS: Yes, The Laws of Spirit: A Tale of Transformation by Dan Millman. This is that one book that I would give a copy to everybody I met if I could afford to. It is only 120 pages and the best investment I ever made. My husband and I have both read it, and my son read it the summer he turned 10.

Are you on Team Bill or Team Eric?


RS: Tall, Blonde and Viking babeeeee!

(Saranna: Oh yes, you fit right in here at the Carnivale.)

What's your favorite romance trope?


RS: My favorite trope is when enemies become lovers. There is so much negative tension that builds like a blazing bonfire between characters then just explodes into an orgiastic all night sexathon of passion filled glory! Tissue anybody????



What's next for Bitten By Books?



RS: Where to begin. We have had a brand new site design in the works for over 6 months now... more like 8... with a complete new back end to contain the huge amount of data we produce between our content and reader comments. Watch for some awesome new features for readers AND authors that will knock your socks off. Faster and easier to use and more customizable features. That's all I can say for now, but I think overall everybody will be happy. I know we are thrilled with the changes. We are turning 2 in May, and as we head into our 3rd year we have TONS of great events and fun planned for everybody, so be sure to sign up for our newsletter and stay plugged in. You don't want to miss what's coming. Thanks so much for having me here today! You can check out our upcoming events here: http://bittenbybooks.com/?page_id=4


About Bitten by Books:

The focus of the Bitten by Books website is to provide book reviews for all types of paranormal fiction, urban fantasy and horror. Our reviewers share an avid love of all things paranormal and of course of books! You may see an occasional fantasy or Sci-fi review as well, as sometimes authors overlap genres or the genres incorporate one another. Bitten by Books prides itself on offering our readers honest book reviews, author interviews, interesting guest blog spots and fun contests. Whether you love paperback books or e-books, make http://bittenbybooks.com your only stop for all things in the paranormal fiction genre. If you are a reader, author or publisher of paranormal fiction be sure to join our awesome community The Blood Bank and connect with like minded people. Remember we offer some great advertising packages for authors, publishers and other related services. You don't even have to be paranormal fiction related. Just drop me a line at adsales@moodringmedia.com