So here we go, the rules, altogether now!
- I don’t have to buy a book because it’s the It book of the moment. I have enough books to get through and I trust my Reader-fu.
- If I do buy it and I love it, I won’t justify my love of the book. I still read chick-lit. I refuse to debate the reasons why I think Twenties Girl is brilliant. If you think my loving this book makes me stupid, then fuck you.
- If I do buy it and hate it, my hatred of said book does not need an explanation. I’m not committing genocide, I’m expressing an opinion. I’m allowed to have a different opinion than yours.
- If I leave a book a positive review, this doesn’t mean I will side with an author down the road should he/she choose to use my review as an example of why another reviewer is wrong.
- If I leave a book a negative review, I’m in no way obligated to respond to the author if he/she challenges me. Shoot yourself in your own foot, asshole.
- If I don’t want to leave a review, period, I won’t. I have a life. Leaving a fly-by one star review isn’t a personal attack. It means I’m busy and I didn’t like your book.
- It’s no business of yours where I live, who I work for, how many children I have, what my husband does for a living, when I’m menstruating, how up-to-date I am in my car payments. All you need to know is that I didn’t like your book. If that unsettles you, that’s just unfortunate.
- If I leave you a bad review for one title, I might very well enjoy another. Don’t fuck it up and prevent me from reading another one of your books by being an asshole.
- I paid for your book. If I want to print it up, spread it out on my lawn and invite drunken neighbours to piss on it, that’s my prerogative.
- And most importantly, the majority of other readers will side with me.
Feel free to add your own in the comments.
And also, buy one of my books. I promise I won’t send an assassin out to get you if you don’t like it. Even if the assassin is Tom Hardy sexy and you totally want him to come get you - you can't have him, he's mine.